a state of bliss, a state of confusion.

hatred is blind, as well as love.

- Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde is one of my favorite people to quote. Some of what he says I completely disagree with, but there are little gems hidden underneath all of the anti-marriage hoopla. This has got to be one of my favorites, because it is so true.

I feel blessed to have learned this concept at an early age. Everyone has had a moment in their lives where they have been able to relate to blind love and blind hate. I know I do.

When I fall, I fall completely. Head first, eyes closed, feet flying. I put my full heart into everything I pursue- friendships, relationships, and hobbies. Each time I land ungracefully I try to remind myself to be more careful the following time, without much success. 

But that is who I am. I love LOVE... redundancy (HA! That one was for you Ky). But really, I am passionate about love. That delirious feeling you get when you feel butterflies, the way your hand tingles when you first touch. It is a drug in its own form. A highly addictive, dangerous, and intensely satisfying narcotic. 

The only problem is this: as with any 'high', these passionate trysts (in my case, PG trysts) always end in chaos. One person lying to the other, deciding it was all a mistake, or realizing the relationship is going nowhere. Then comes the downfall. Walls tumbling all around, the ground crumbling beneath your feet and piling on top of you. An all consuming sadness washes over you when you realize that you are back in the position you have continued to put yourself in for years.

It is hard not to blame innocent bystanders for the accelerated decline in your happiness. Jealousy ensues. Heartache. Regret. This is where blind hatred comes into play. Your mind does a quick switch, all of the energy you spent on blind love seems to somehow double into your hate (if that makes sense). You question things, over think everything, and literally drive yourself mad. 


When it is all said and done, irrational thinking, irrational actions and irrational thoughts do nothing but hurt you more. The biggest lesson out of these situations is that you hold the key to your happiness. You decide whether to move on, you decide to let go. Nobody can make that choice for you. 


I made the choice years ago to be happy. To keep the negative out of my life. When you are focused on improving your life, you have less time to think about why people are the way they are, and why they do the things they do. It is much easier and much more freeing to forgive than it is to hold a grudge. 


I know, it is easier said than done. And we are not perfect, I am not perfect. It took me years to be able to establish my thick skin. One thing still holds true: 

better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

xx